TheSentaiHero reviews Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down

Ah.. The time of our third review has arrived as today I’m reviewing Three Doors Down’s smash single “Kryptonite”. The first good sign of this song was that three of the band members wrote it ( the lead singer, the lead guitarist and lead bassist). Ok we open the video with an elderly man dressed in only his underwear holding something in his hands. Next we flash to a TV screen apparently showing our protagonist in the music video in his glory days. The next shot is of the band on a rooftop my question is what are they doing there. Apparently our former great heroes signature was doing a double thumbs up to the camera, really no catchphrase just two thumbs up talk about a cheesy superhero. The first line is well I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind so apparently our hero must of done something very bad if he has a troubled mind.

Then he apparently left his younger body in the sands of time resulting in the age change. Now the old man lets go of whatever he had while we’re told he watches from the dark side of the moon personally I don’t believe that is possible. Man this guy must not clean his apartment if there are cockroaches in his food. Next the old heroine hears a what looks to be like a pimp and a hooker arguing in the hallway apparently the old man wants to get some as he checks on the disturbance the pimp sees him and the old man rushes back into his apartment. I’ve got to say the pub where they show the band repetitively in helps the song out as it gives off a dark rock like feeling to it. Back to the song the old man runs back in his room and opens the top drawer to reveal his old costume shining in glory. Also didn’t know the old man had a superhuman mind because early he was living with cockroaches.

The old man puts on his superhero apparel before walking behind the pimp and his hooker talk about nosy. Apparently the old man gets stopped by a group of Goths as they all charge him and the old man can’t seem to get away from them. After the old man gets mugged by the Goths he scurries towards finding the pimp and his hooker. As we get a shot in side of the pub where all the old super villains hang out apparently as the band plays for them. Now apparently some random douche bag starts to fuck around with the old man’s mask and cape. While back in the pub someone must of ordered a green pile of shit or what appears to be kryptonite. Now apparently the lead singer and one of the villains have a gay moment with him singing to him. Next question is why are all the super villains riding a mechanical bull are they so bored that’s all they can do. Apparently the pimp loves to pubs without his women as the old hero spots him and dives from an above glass window crashing on top of the pimp giving a double thumbs up. That was 3 doors down’s Kryptonite a solid song for a solid band who has been a model of consistency still going today.

TheSentaiHero Reviews Carrie Underwood's Before He Cheats

Ah, Carrie Underwood winner of season 2 of American Idol would you imagine her singing a ballad about a guy she likes well that’s not this song. The song not even written by Underwood rather by Chris Tompkins and Josh Kear talks about a scorned girlfriend destroying her cheating boyfriend’s prized possession his car. We open with a decent country guitar riff and signs of the damage being made onto the car. Carrie not make the assumption or anything by how do you know he’s dancing with a bleach-bond tramp whose getting frisky are you one of the bar patrons or something. Again with these assumption that he is buying her a drink cause in your words “can shoot whiskey.” Oh shit it’s the Terminator Carrie Underwood edition run for your lives she’s got a baseball bat. Oh how I can only wonder what is going on at the pool table and this guy better protect himself because Carrie looks pissed.

Let us show an exposition shot of the guy kissing the bleach blond tramp before Carrie tells us all the damage she’s done. So she digs her key into the side of his souped up four wheel drive, carves her name into his leather seats, takes a Louisville Slugger to both heads and slashes holes in all four tires and maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats. Damn word to the wise here don’t ever cheat on Carrie Underwood for that matter any women because they’ll destroy your best possession. First Carrie why not I don’t know take the car unless your keys don’t work for it. Second you don’t try to embarrass your ex-boyfriend instead your resort to vandalism isn’t that a felony. Again with the assumptions Carrie are you in this club where she is singing “white trash version of Shania (Twain) Karaoke.” Seriously Carrie are you within shouting distance of these two because you apparently know something I don’t or your good at making assumptions.

Ok what is up with the signboards letting off sparks did the electricians check this place before it opened up. Now she can see the couple yet she doesn’t go Jerry Springer on her boyfriend or the girl weird but ok. Holy F’n shit Carrie’s vocal have caused an earthquake as debris are falling all over the place. Also Carrie how in the blue H-E-L-L did you carve your name so preciously into the leather seats. You’ve might saved a little trouble for the next girl because you’ve already destroyed his car and now allow her to move onto another possession. Anyone else notice how the band is ten to twenty yards behind Carrie who well lets make an assumption here is a man-eater. Oh shit there my girlfriend let me look at her with a face of shock and awe as she drops my keys in my drink.

Now Carrie is apparently the goddess of wind and exploding objects also anyone else getting a Medusa (women who turns people to stone.) when they look into Carrie’s eyes. Carrie how in the world did you walk away from glass blowing up behind you unscaved. Damn only a passing pissed off scorned women can walk past windows and make them explode. She now raises her hand and all the signs behind her explode as shattered glass and sparks fly everywhere. Now we show the destroyed vehicle after the destruction put on it by Ms. Carrie Underwood. That was “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood not as terrible as Sisqo’s “Thong Song” but not that much better.

TheSentaiHero's review of Sisqo's The Thong Song

Sisqo-The Thong Song
So I’ve decided to give it a go with music reviews and what a way to start with Vh1’s top 100 videos of the 2000’s and that means I’m starting with a song that captivated people in 2000 that song being the Thong Song by Sisqo. Sisqo is best known before this song as being the lead singer of R&B Group Dru Hill, Sisqo’s real name is Mark Andrews but he isn’t known by that rather his silver hair which literally is a result of narcissism manifesting itself physically on top of his head. Now to the song which was written by Sisqo, Tim Kelly and Bob Robinson. Ok so the song starts by telling where the hell we’re at that being Miami during spring break. Sisqo is on the phone chatting with one of his friend’s while his female acquaintance and his daughter walk into the room. So apparently Sisqo just allows her daughter to walk around with anyone in particular so eventually Sisqo’s daughter a thong and what does Sisqo do who begins to sing cause that is what normal dads to their daughters about thongs. I mean Sisqo we know you like thongs but you don’t have to go Petey Pablo on it and whip in the air like a helicopter.

So your so happy this thong your going to go to the beach what the fuck Sisqo. So Sisqo is apparently a peeping tom with the first line being “Ooh that dress so scandalous.” So somebody like me can’t handle this woman’s bottom but someone who can rhyme ish with devilish can, ok are you stupid ish isn’t even a word it’s an ending of a word use some grammar Sisqo. So apparently Sisqo is the only 20 something guy to look the girls in the eyes also Sisqo how the hell are her eyes devilish what are flames shooting out. She likes to dance on the hip hop spots what are you stalking her Sisqo how would you know that and apparently this women is a slut because she cruises to crews like connecting dots. She apparently doesn’t just like urban but she likes to pop cause she is livin la vida loca (oh Sisqo stealing lyrics from Ricky Martin just sad.) She has dumps like a truck, truck, truck first of all what in the blue hell are dumps are they hips or another part of her body also why was their a need to repeat truck it doesn’t involve the rhyme scheme moron. Now Sisqo is looking at women’s thighs when their walking past him apparently.

Now your focusing on her butt, butt, butt again going with a simple rhyme scheme to rhyme butt with what classic Sisqo, really classically idiotic. No I don’t think you need to sing it again I don’t have short term memory loss I heard you the first time. Also if this is the Thong Song why I am getting an above shot of this women whose top is pointless since I can see her breasts she might as well be living in Brazil where there are nudist beaches Sisqo. So apparently Sisqo doesn’t chill out at the beach he looks at women in bikinis all day and night Sisqo you have a daughter play with her not the fucking thong. So after a long drive to another beach Sisqo decides to check out women laying on towels showing off their covered breasts and nether regions. why are all these girls enjoying Sisqo looking at them yes ladies he has a six pack other than that he is not much else oh forget these women are probably as smart as one of the Barbie dolls. Now when we repeat the truck, truck truck and butt, butt, butt lines lets us show a bunch of asses in a row I mean did Sisqo direct this himself.

Now let’s show a bunch of scantily clad women shaking their asses and getting down. Sisqo is so turned on by booties and tits he literally starts to do back flips I wish I was kidding. Another sexually questioned shot of a person putting mustard on a hot dog looking at a girl shaking her booty. Now lets show all of Sisqo’s posse with scantily clad women around them seriously did a sexually stimulated teenager direct this video. What do they do next shoot the girls with Super Soaker water guns, whoever must a made this video must have been smoking weed and the New York bus says as smoke bellows out somebody better hope the bus didn’t catch fire. So lets now do some choreography in front of a bunch of people it’s not like any of these guys are dating any of these women. Sisqo who in the hell did the choreography because the mummy entrance didn’t work there on the entrance.

So when all else fails folks remember do the freaking moonwalk I mean you can come up with some original Sisqo. Holy F’n Special Effect Sisqo and his dancers are damn near flipping over the women’s thongs. Well if this proves anything it’s that Sisqo is now officially apart of the next Bring It On movie as some sort of cheerleading coach. Now Sisqo is walking across a group of bikini clad women who does he think is, Jesus. Now everyone can glow in the dark the F’n bikini’s and Sisqo and his dancers jackets and pants. Apparently this whole video was for Sisqo to under some girls bikini why not just ask her out on a date. Well that was Sisqo’s Thong Song hope you didn’t cringe as much as I did see you next time.

Sincerely,

TheSentaiHero