Sisqo-The Thong Song
So I’ve decided to give it a go with music reviews and what a way to start with Vh1’s top 100 videos of the 2000’s and that means I’m starting with a song that captivated people in 2000 that song being the Thong Song by Sisqo. Sisqo is best known before this song as being the lead singer of R&B Group Dru Hill, Sisqo’s real name is Mark Andrews but he isn’t known by that rather his silver hair which literally is a result of narcissism manifesting itself physically on top of his head. Now to the song which was written by Sisqo, Tim Kelly and Bob Robinson. Ok so the song starts by telling where the hell we’re at that being Miami during spring break. Sisqo is on the phone chatting with one of his friend’s while his female acquaintance and his daughter walk into the room. So apparently Sisqo just allows her daughter to walk around with anyone in particular so eventually Sisqo’s daughter a thong and what does Sisqo do who begins to sing cause that is what normal dads to their daughters about thongs. I mean Sisqo we know you like thongs but you don’t have to go Petey Pablo on it and whip in the air like a helicopter.
So your so happy this thong your going to go to the beach what the fuck Sisqo. So Sisqo is apparently a peeping tom with the first line being “Ooh that dress so scandalous.” So somebody like me can’t handle this woman’s bottom but someone who can rhyme ish with devilish can, ok are you stupid ish isn’t even a word it’s an ending of a word use some grammar Sisqo. So apparently Sisqo is the only 20 something guy to look the girls in the eyes also Sisqo how the hell are her eyes devilish what are flames shooting out. She likes to dance on the hip hop spots what are you stalking her Sisqo how would you know that and apparently this women is a slut because she cruises to crews like connecting dots. She apparently doesn’t just like urban but she likes to pop cause she is livin la vida loca (oh Sisqo stealing lyrics from Ricky Martin just sad.) She has dumps like a truck, truck, truck first of all what in the blue hell are dumps are they hips or another part of her body also why was their a need to repeat truck it doesn’t involve the rhyme scheme moron. Now Sisqo is looking at women’s thighs when their walking past him apparently.
Now your focusing on her butt, butt, butt again going with a simple rhyme scheme to rhyme butt with what classic Sisqo, really classically idiotic. No I don’t think you need to sing it again I don’t have short term memory loss I heard you the first time. Also if this is the Thong Song why I am getting an above shot of this women whose top is pointless since I can see her breasts she might as well be living in Brazil where there are nudist beaches Sisqo. So apparently Sisqo doesn’t chill out at the beach he looks at women in bikinis all day and night Sisqo you have a daughter play with her not the fucking thong. So after a long drive to another beach Sisqo decides to check out women laying on towels showing off their covered breasts and nether regions. why are all these girls enjoying Sisqo looking at them yes ladies he has a six pack other than that he is not much else oh forget these women are probably as smart as one of the Barbie dolls. Now when we repeat the truck, truck truck and butt, butt, butt lines lets us show a bunch of asses in a row I mean did Sisqo direct this himself.
Now let’s show a bunch of scantily clad women shaking their asses and getting down. Sisqo is so turned on by booties and tits he literally starts to do back flips I wish I was kidding. Another sexually questioned shot of a person putting mustard on a hot dog looking at a girl shaking her booty. Now lets show all of Sisqo’s posse with scantily clad women around them seriously did a sexually stimulated teenager direct this video. What do they do next shoot the girls with Super Soaker water guns, whoever must a made this video must have been smoking weed and the New York bus says as smoke bellows out somebody better hope the bus didn’t catch fire. So lets now do some choreography in front of a bunch of people it’s not like any of these guys are dating any of these women. Sisqo who in the hell did the choreography because the mummy entrance didn’t work there on the entrance.
So when all else fails folks remember do the freaking moonwalk I mean you can come up with some original Sisqo. Holy F’n Special Effect Sisqo and his dancers are damn near flipping over the women’s thongs. Well if this proves anything it’s that Sisqo is now officially apart of the next Bring It On movie as some sort of cheerleading coach. Now Sisqo is walking across a group of bikini clad women who does he think is, Jesus. Now everyone can glow in the dark the F’n bikini’s and Sisqo and his dancers jackets and pants. Apparently this whole video was for Sisqo to under some girls bikini why not just ask her out on a date. Well that was Sisqo’s Thong Song hope you didn’t cringe as much as I did see you next time.
Sincerely,
TheSentaiHero
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